The toxic culture of ‘Boy Moms’ (2024)

Sheila Rafizadeh, Assistant Features Editor

“Boy Mom” is a term derived from the internet, used to describe mothers who only have sons. While this seems harmless, there are often heavy negative connotations associated with this term. In a single TikTok, self-described “Toxic Mom” Anna Saccone Joly exemplifies the “I’m In Love With My Son” subgenre of male mom culture.

“I love my four kids equally, but that last little boy just hits different,” she continues, “When I think about my daughters getting married, I get excited. When I think about my son’s wedding I wanna cry.” There are no repercussions when her kid slaps or punches his sisters; she tells her girls that he must be having a rough day. Joly, grinning, concludes the TikTok by stating that she and other toxic mothers “gotta realize we are the problem.” Despite this assertion, Joly’s profile includes numerous videos where she treats her son as her favorite and refers to him as such.

This boy-mom attitude of “boys will be boys” is exemplified by other TikToks. Many of them depict sons acting inappropriately—smacking their mothers’ behind and engaging in other rude actions—or imitating their fathers. “Tell me you’re a boy mom without telling me you’re a boy mom” is a common caption for the films.

Contrary to popular belief, there is no scientific evidence to support the notion that girls are more nurturing and boys more physically inclined. As stated in a Scientific American article from 2016, “Clearly, boys and girls are not the same at birth […] However, we now understand that early experiences permanently change the chemistry and function of the genes within cells, which has a big impact on behavior. The ways that parents raise males and girls differently may also have an impact on how children’s brains grow.”

Talks about “boy moms” frequently focus on the negative effects of misogyny, emotional incest and inappropriate emotional attachment. “Boy mom” culture has the potential to poison families and create an unsettling relationship between mothers, adult sons and their spouses. Social media posts centering on “boy moms” romanticize family dynamics and cast sons in unsuitable roles. Certain features of “boy mom” culture, such as calling sons “boyfriends” or implying that growing up is like getting broken up with, cast sons in the role of a romantic partner rather than a child. Therefore, it should come as no surprise that mothers who have this kind of attachment with their sons eventually start to consider the wife of their son as the “enemy” or the “other woman” who is trying to “steal her man.”

When boys are positioned as romantic partners, it inappropriately puts pressure on them to put their mothers before their wives. Sons may so “feel caught” between their mothers and their spouses. When mothers try to gauge their sons’ devotion, they keep their adult sons from reaching developmental milestones like breaking away from their parents and starting their own family. The goal of most parents and boy moms is emotional distance, not a tense relationship with adult sons and their spouses caused by making them feel bad for putting their wives first.

While examining the negative culture of boy moms, we must look at how this behavior affects the boys involved. The endless coddling and emotional abuse associated with “boy mom” culture creates a generation of men who feel like they forever owe something to their mothers, even well into their adulthood. They often find themselves putting their mother’s feelings over their wives or girlfriends as they are left in this emotionally stunted stage throughout adulthood. One doesn’t know what’s worse: a “boy mom” or a Momma’s boy.

Regardless of the circ*mstances or the family dynamics, boy moms instill a mentality into their children that their daughters are never good enough and that their sons can do no wrong, creating generations worth of trauma and emotional damage for their children through all stages of their life. “Boy moms’ aren’t just weird– they’re awful.

About the Contributor

The toxic culture of ‘Boy Moms’ (2)

Sheila Rafizadeh, Assistant Features Editor

Sheila is a junior at the University, majoring in Criminal Justice and minoring in Pre-Law. She first joined The Pace Press during her sophom*ore year. Sheila enjoys playing the guitar, reading, and listening to music, among other things. In addition to writing for the Pace Press, she also contributes to the university's Her Campus chapter. Upon graduating, she hopes to go to law school to study family law.

The toxic culture of ‘Boy Moms’ (2024)

FAQs

The toxic culture of ‘Boy Moms’? ›

Social media posts centering on “boy moms” romanticize family dynamics and cast sons

sons
A son is a male offspring; a boy or a man in relation to his parents. The female counterpart is a daughter.
https://en.wikipedia.org › wiki › Son
in unsuitable roles. Certain features of “boy mom” culture, such as calling sons “boyfriends” or implying that growing up is like getting broken up with, cast sons in the role of a romantic partner rather than a child.

Why is boy mom culture toxic? ›

#BoyMom culture creates negative expectations for the in-law relationship. #BoyMom culture can cause emotional distance among moms, sons, and daughters-in-law.

What is boy mom syndrome? ›

A "boy mom" is something of a negative character archetype oft-recognized on the internet. The term itself is slang to refer to a specific kind of parent who is perceived as being overly fixated on their male children, often to the detriment of other female children or people in their lives.

What is depleted mother syndrome? ›

Mom burnout sometimes called depleted mother syndrome, is the feeling of mental, emotional, and physical exhaustion, depersonalization, and lack of fulfillment caused by intense child care demands. Burnout is the result of too much stress and a lack of resources for coping with it.

How does it feel to be a boy mom? ›

Being a boy mom is, well… an adventure to say the least. From wondering how many times is one too many for your son to bump his head in a day to getting an empty tin popcorn bucket slammed onto your head—raising boys is exhausting and fun and extremely unpredictable.

Why are mommy boys red flags? ›

In the dating scene, one of the biggest red flags is that the guy is a mama's boy. If a woman dates a “mama's boy,” it gives off the impression that he can't make his own decisions and that by dating him, you're basically committing to his mother.

What's bad about a mama's boy? ›

Effects of Being a Momma's Boy

Some of these negative effects can include him being overly dependent on his mom and ignoring your needs and wishes.

What is the psychology behind mothers boys? ›

Attachment theory proposes that in the case of "mother's boys", their intense dependency on their primary caregiver (the mother) results in a reluctance to assert independence, heightened anxiety in her absence, and difficulty forming and maintaining relationships beyond the maternal bond upon adulthood.

What does a boy inherit from his mother? ›

Males inherit one X chromosome from their mother and one Y chromosome from their father, making them XY. Females, on the other hand, inherit an X chromosome from both parents, making them XX. This inheritance means that all of the genetic material inside a male's X chromosome is maternally derived.

What to do if your husband is a mama's boy? ›

Set Boundaries

Once you've established that your husband is a mama's boy, determine which behaviors are tolerable and where you draw the line. For example, you may tell him that it's no problem for him to call her regularly, as long as it doesn't infringe on your time together.

What is the malicious mother syndrome? ›

Malicious Parent Syndrome refers to situations in which a divorced or divorcing parent deliberately aims to harm the other parent. In some extreme cases, the offending parent may even mistreat their children to tarnish the reputation of the other parent.

What is cold mother syndrome? ›

Cold mother syndrome refers to a parenting style characterized by emotional distance, dismissiveness, and rejection. This type of mothering is often accompanied by a lack of emotional availability and neglect of a child's emotional needs.

What is bad mother syndrome? ›

Bad mother syndrome is a term used to define a mother who feels that she is a bad mother because of the choices she makes for her kids, which leads to feelings of selfishness and results in guilt.

Which parent is more important to a boy? ›

For children, the parents are a living example of what it means to be a woman or a man. Especially for boys, active, committed fathers are of immense importance in the view of female dominance in education. Boys learn about masculinity from their fathers, and girls learn about femininity from their mothers.

What do they say about boy moms? ›

Many of them show sons following the leads of their fathers or behaving badly—smacking their mother's bottom and other such disrespectful behavior. The videos often will have the caption “Tell me you're a boy mom without telling me you're a boy mom.” These tropes are causing great consternation across the internet.

Is it harder to be a boy mom or girl mom? ›

Moms who have girls are much happier than those with boys, particularly when the children reach early adulthood, according to a study from the Journal of Family Issues. However, a survey done by Gallup says: 54% of Americans say boys are easier to raise than girls. 27% say girls are easier to raise than boys.

What causes mommy issues in boys? ›

Mommy issues are often caused by attachment styles in early childhood. Insecure attachment styles can develop as a result of poor parenting. Research indicates that attachment in childhood affects the development of familial, social, and romantic relationships later in life.

What causes mamas boy syndrome? ›

Attachment theory proposes that in the case of "mother's boys", their intense dependency on their primary caregiver (the mother) results in a reluctance to assert independence, heightened anxiety in her absence, and difficulty forming and maintaining relationships beyond the maternal bond upon adulthood.

Why do girls not like Mama's boys? ›

Somehow it always seems that his mother gets priority over you - that her needs seem more important and you're supposed to understand. But ultimately, every woman in a relationship would like to be top priority in her man's life and the mama's boy doesn't make room for this need.

Why are sons genetically closer to their mothers? ›

Well, it turns out male offspring - so boys - inherit more genes from their mothers. The way this works is that when it comes to the sex chromosomes, females get two X chromosomes, one from their mother, one from their father, whereas males get an X from Mom and a Y from Dad.

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