A Closer Look at the ‘Mom of Boys’ Phenomenon (2024)

Scientists studying orcas—or killer whales, as they are known in the heavy metal community—have learned that whale mothers make a “lifelong sacrifice” for their sons. I read this story while picking up individual guinea pig droppings from the floor with my bare hands, while listening to Enid Blyton’s Winter Stories at teeth-juddering volume, as my son sat on the sofa, in a coat and a pair of pants. Which may explain why the news didn’t exactly shock me.

We are mammals. We give birth to live young, feed them with milk, have warm blood, and—in my case at least—are covered in hair. And so it is perhaps tempting to look at this study, carried out over decades, and find validation in the argument that raising male children is harder than females. Apparently, orcas that birth male pups are less likely to reproduce in the future; they also share their food for longer, “hang out” together for longer, and help hunt for longer than they do with female offspring. And so, you might reason, doesn’t this indicate that boy babies and infants—of any species—demand more energy, more food, and drain their mothers’ bodies more significantly than their female counterparts? After all, if it’s true for those mammals, then why wouldn’t it be true for us?

Except, I’m not quite sure that I agree. Obviously I agree with the study—they are scientists and have done years of research. But I’m not sure I feel particularly familiar with the way that mothers—and it is always mothers—talk about their parenting of boys, as though that relationship were defined by gender. Some of you will no doubt have clicked into the strange world of #boymom and #motherofboys on social media. My goodness, but aren’t there a lot of sports clothes, skateboards, and miniature suits out there? As well as plenty of pseudo philosophical captions about rest and light, while someone sits on a hill or lies on a beach. This is the internet, after all. From my sneaky burrowings into that community, I have found a fair bit of performed masculinity, whether that’s in outfits, woodland settings, or martial arts poses. And that, I think, is more an example of social conditioning than intrinsic mammalian behavior.

Of course, I’ve done more than my fair share of climbing trees and starting fires and kicking balls and hunting for insects in the five years since I became mother to a son. But so has my partner. And so, I like to think, we would have done with a daughter.

A Closer Look at the ‘Mom of Boys’ Phenomenon (2024)

FAQs

What is the boy mom phenomenon? ›

A "boy mom" is something of a negative character archetype oft-recognized on the internet. The term itself is slang to refer to a specific kind of parent who is perceived as being overly fixated on their male children, often to the detriment of other female children or people in their lives.

Why boys are more close to their mothers? ›

We are drawn to the nurturing part of our mothers. Our world is harsher and discipline, mom's love is soft and healing. It brings balance to a boys life, without it he is a mess.

What is an example of a boy mom? ›

Whether it's obsessing over their kid's penis size or future-tripping about what kind of woman he's gonna marry someday, there's something very sexualized about the "boy mom" behavior. Urban Dictionary even defines it as "a mom who is emotionally incestuous with her sons."

What does it mean when a son looks like his mom? ›

Only some men have a relatively equal number of X- and Y-chromosomes in their sperm and they are equally likely to have boys or girls. Y-chromosomes have fewer genes than X-chromosomes and some of them are responsible for the development of male genitals. This is why a boy is more likely to look like his mother.

What is the boy mom theory? ›

In psychoanalytic theory, the Oedipus complex refers to the child's desire for sexual involvement with the opposite sex parent, particularly a boy's attention to his mother.

Why are sons genetically closer to their mothers? ›

Well, it turns out male offspring - so boys - inherit more genes from their mothers. The way this works is that when it comes to the sex chromosomes, females get two X chromosomes, one from their mother, one from their father, whereas males get an X from Mom and a Y from Dad.

Why are boys more clingy to moms? ›

Male babies on average have greater difficulty self-regulating their emotional state and therefore have a greater reliance on emotional support, especially from their mother1,” he says. Research indicates that the slower development of baby boys' brains is likely due to the male hormone testosterone2.

Why do moms love sons more? ›

In many cultures, mothers are expected to be nurturing and caring, which can manifest as a stronger emotional bond with their sons, as they're often socialized to be more emotional and empathetic.

Are sons closer to mom or dad? ›

Fathers are twice as likely to be "close" to their sons today, with more than one in three (35 per cent) describing their relationship in this way.

What is the boy mom controversy? ›

Many of them show sons following the leads of their fathers or behaving badly—smacking their mother's bottom and other such disrespectful behavior. The videos often will have the caption “Tell me you're a boy mom without telling me you're a boy mom.” These tropes are causing great consternation across the internet.

What is a boy with mommy issues? ›

Mommy issues in men

an expectation that romantic partners will provide more than a fair share of household labor or emotional support. trust issues or difficulty showing vulnerability. a strong need for affection and approval or difficulty showing affection or rapid shifts between the two.

Are boy moms happier? ›

Are Moms Of Girls Happier Than Moms Of Boys? Moms who have girls are much happier than those with boys, particularly when the children reach early adulthood, according to a study from the Journal of Family Issues.

What does a girl inherit from her father? ›

Daughters get two X chromosomes, one from Mother and one from Father. So Daughter will inherit X-linked genes from her father as well as her mother. Examples of X-linked recessive disorders are hemophilia, red-green color blindness, and Wiskott-Aldrich syndrome.

What does a boy inherit from his father? ›

All men inherit a Y chromosome from their father, which means all traits that are only found on the Y chromosome come from dad, not mom. The Supporting Evidence: Y-linked traits follow a clear paternal lineage.

What does an unhealthy mother son relationship look like? ›

In an enmeshed mother-son relationship, healthy emotional and physical boundaries don't exist. Instead, your mother does things that make you feel physically uncomfortable, like showing up at your home unannounced or venting to you constantly about any negative emotions she hasn't worked through.

What does a boy inherit from his mother? ›

Males inherit one X chromosome from their mother and one Y chromosome from their father, making them XY. Females, on the other hand, inherit an X chromosome from both parents, making them XX. This inheritance means that all of the genetic material inside a male's X chromosome is maternally derived.

What is Mama boy syndrome? ›

Attachment theory proposes that in the case of "mother's boys", their intense dependency on their primary caregiver (the mother) results in a reluctance to assert independence, heightened anxiety in her absence, and difficulty forming and maintaining relationships beyond the maternal bond upon adulthood.

What is the boy mom stereotype? ›

The Toxic Boymom is a mother who might make it seem like she's a little bit in love with her son. Maybe she treats him like her boyfriend. Maybe she's got female children too, but very plainly favors the boy. Tiktok failed to load.

What causes mommy issues in boys? ›

Mommy issues are often caused by attachment styles in early childhood. Insecure attachment styles can develop as a result of poor parenting. Research indicates that attachment in childhood affects the development of familial, social, and romantic relationships later in life.

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